A Pocketknife and a .22 Long Rifle

Unwrapping his present on his 6th birthday, my son found a simple but sharp folding pocketknife. After receiving some boundaries from me (the sort that are enforced punitively) and an exhortation about toys and tools, responsibility and trust, the knife was his to own, to keep, and to use as he saw fit. No, it wasn’t a safe gift. I heard concerns and reservations from others about the dangers of a 6-year-old boy having his own blade. I shared similar concerns. I admit, it seemed a bit too early to give it to him. Which, as the ways things usually unfold, meant it was probably the right time.

Boys grow up to be men, as girls do women. In case it’s not clear, men and women are different. Which means boys and girls are as well. We don’t raise androgynous children, no matter what the Hollywood parents post on their social media updates. Those are actors, not experts. Nor do we raise people as an egalitarian whole. Male and female He created them. We’re raising boys and girls, future men and women, with all of the distinctions those categories come with.

Sex differences wasn’t my idea. So, I’m not in a position to change that reality. Neither is anybody else. Many have tried. But it’s about as productive as a dog trying to write a gripping novel. It could grip the novel, but not write a gripping one. I could’ve also used a different analogy about a camel and needle, but that one was taken. Although the distinctions between men and women wasn’t my idea, it was somebody’s idea. And that Somebody of course had a reason for the distinctions. So, for us to know how to raise a boy, it makes sense to first ask the question, for what purpose is a man? It’s worth asking the same question about a woman, but for the sake of word count control, I will stick with the sex created first this time around.

Before I do that, a quick comment on definitions. In order to keep semantics where they belong, that is, in the right place, I’d like to align our mutual understanding between masculinity and femininity as role distinctions, and manhood and womanhood as gender callings. The world is hierarchal by God’s design. Hierarchy simplified means that there is a party which initiates and that which responds. The initiating role is a masculine one, and the responding role a feminine one. However, that doesn’t mean that those roles are always played by men and women respectively. Moms of little boys take on the masculine role in that relationship, and boys the feminine one. As is the case when a woman as the executive of the home hires a man to tend to the property. She is initiating and he is responding.

Some shoes are given to men and women by God. Husbands are to lead their wives, filling the masculine role. Wives are to submit to their husbands, taking on the feminine one. And yes, most men and most women will be (or ought to be) husbands and wives, thereby playing the masculine and feminine roles within a fundamental sphere of society. Role distinctions are critical. But what I’m talking about is gender callings. When a mom leads her young son, she is still doing so as a woman, and he is responding as a future man. When a wife decides the layout for the landscaper to follow, she is doing so as a woman, and he is doing what she said as a man. That unique aspect is what I’m referring to here.

The end of manhood can be, and has been, dissected into multiple categories. Such an effort is not unfounded. It would be too simplistic to name just one purpose and align the raising of boys only to that end. Things can easily become unbalanced and head off track when all the emphases aren’t emphasized. However, with all that said, I do believe there to be a broad calling overarching and seeping into the different aspects of manhood. This ingredient is essential to manhood, as God made him, in whatever endeavor he is involved in, while also differentiating the man from the woman. In other words, this ingredient is both necessary and unique for manhood.

Whether he is subduing the earth, cultivating his dominion, protecting his loves, growing in wisdom, or reflecting God’s glory, the man is outfitted for an uncontrolled environment. Contrasted with the woman’s calling to glorify a tamed dominion, the man goes into the wilderness in order to tame it. “The Wild” is what a man is made for, and where he is to thrive.

Before someone leaps to the conclusion of dismissing the point as stereotypical nonsense, allow me to explain myself. What I am not saying is men are to be loud and women quiet. Neither am I saying women are to be self-controlled and men out of control. Nor am I arguing that men are to be outdoors and women indoors. Those distinctions are in fact shallow and can be misleading, if not altogether wrong.

What I am saying is that the unique design and calling for men as men is to face the wild and win. Whether the playing field is land, the marketplace, war, his own mind, or worship of the Untamable, the man’s calling is to step into the danger with head uncovered. Danger is not in spite of the man’s calling. It is the calling.

With that said, men won’t live what boys won’t learn. Hence, the pocketknife gripped in the hand of a 6-year-old boy, who didn’t yet know what to do with it. My son received a pocketknife on his 6th birthday not because it was nearly safe. Rather, I gave him the pocketknife precisely because it was still dangerous for him to have it. If I waited to give it to him until it was safe, it would have been too late. It would have still been cool and useful, for sure, but the lesson would have been lost. Face the danger.

8 months later, my son was making a sign that said “Army Sticks for Sale. $0.05”. While I was getting mentally prepared to deal with his discouragement following the lack of sales, he continued to set up a stand along the sidewalk to sell his sharpened sticks. He was giving away unsharpened ones for free to lure the customers in, while he sat behind the table with his pocketknife, sharpening sticks to sell.

After he made $12.00 in 3 days, I gave him a .22 Long Rifle.