I didn’t know what else to do. I tried every tactic my contracting mind could spit out. Systems. Procedures. Money. People. Like a hose squeezed in the middle, my head was flooding with problems on the intake, but drizzling droplets of answers at the backend. Being teased by false solutions was getting old, and staring at the wall wasn’t producing the effect I had hoped for. Perhaps pacing would generate ingenuity. I got out of my chair and went up the warehouse hatch for a walk on the roof. Maybe a dose of fresh air with the view of the parking lot would help. “Overwhelming” is not an encompassing enough word to describe managing a growing business. “All-consuming” does not cover enough ground. I needed a breather. Good thing I don’t smoke. 2-3 packs a day might have been my consumption. But it’s okay. Blessing follows hard work. Keep your head in the game. There are good things a-comin.
–
It was the eighth consecutive night of less than 3 hours of sleep. 90 minutes was a good stretch for our firstborn. He would then nurse for at least 45 minutes, with all the difficulties that a first-time mom experiences. After he finished eating, I walked my wife to the bathroom so she could manage her mastitis. Ever since her legs swelled up from the allergic reaction to the antibiotics she took, she hasn’t been able to walk on her own. That was four weeks ago. While she was in the bathroom, I rocked the baby back to sleep, but not without three or four interruptions of re-swaddling him, either because he escaped the bind or spit up all over it. By the time the circus wrapped up its first act, we had our overlord’s permission to doze off. How naive we were. How could we forget that this emotional infant changed his mind more frequently than a Greek god? He’s awake. She’s awake. I’m awake. Is this what captivity feels like? The life you thought you had is no more. I coped with the thought that blessing follows hard work. The kid will grow up, I told myself, and things will get easier. I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Or was that my sleep-deprived mind playing tricks on me?
–
Hard work leads to blessing. Blessing follows hard work. It’s a simple formula. If you don’t feel like working hard, you double down and keep going. Good things will come. But when does that happen? Some of us have been riding this gerbil wheel for 30 years, and are, not surprisingly, asking those kinds of questions. Those on the nearby wheel laugh in mockery, “Ha! Mine’s been spinning for 50. So, don’t you complain. Jerry over there is on year 70.” The work has not grown any thinner and hasn’t gotten easier. It’s actually gotten heavier. Blessings? They seem to be less tangible than a desert mirage.
The moment we’re groping in the dark, trying to find our blessings, we hear the preacher tell us that we’re already blessed. We’re told this world we’re a part of was created, is sustained, and is being redeemed to be a blessing. This world here, the one where people have spread massive fiber-optic cables across the ocean floor allowing this little blog to be read on the other side of it (not that it is being read there, but it’s possible). I’m talking about the world that’s traveling at 67,000 miles per hour around a giant ball of hydrogen gas that keeps everything on the earth alive and well. I mean the world that’s currently under attack by Coronasocialism. The place that some of us refer to as Mirkwood is a world of blessing and goodness.
So we’re told.
How come some of us don’t see it? I guess it’s possible that we’re standing in a packed storehouse full of treasure with our eyes closed. In that case we’d be right to say that we don’t see anything, but wrong to say there’s nothing there. Perhaps the problem is not that the storehouse is empty. Perhaps the problem is that our eyes are closed.
Okay, so, whether we see it or not, let’s humor ourselves and agree that we’re blessed. Let’s concede the fact that even basic functions like walking, working, and thinking are good things that we don’t deserve. I know it’s true that I’m blessed already. We have family, friends, fellowship, food. We have life and have it abundantly. Indeed, blessings are everywhere, and they are thick. Life is not shallow or dull. It’s exciting, full, and rich. As the preacher said, “we have to use a bulldozer to shove aside all of the blessings in our life so that we can find an empty corner that we can complain about.” Our Creator is good, He has made all things good, and He lays it on thick.
As a matter of fact, we waste our lives toiling away endlessly, hoping that one day blessings will pour forth – always living in the future, never in the present. Someone once said that it’s good to find enjoyment in the toil. It’s the typical sob story: a man toils away, both at work and at home, always aspiring for happiness in the future, working his way straight into Hades – never attaining that for which he labored. “Rosebud,” right? It seems like enjoying the process is the key to unraveling our depressed state of mind. You’re stressed out about work? Enjoy the process. At least you have a job. You’ll be looking back, romanticizing about this time. You’re up at night with the baby? Enjoy the process. Kids are a blessing from the Lord. They’ll be grown and gone before you know it. That’s it, right? It’s not just about having discipline to keep working for future blessing, but having discipline to enjoy life today, in the now. It’d be a waste to do otherwise.
Okay, it’s becoming clearer. I’m blessed. Check. I should enjoy the process of toiling away. Check. And I should stay focused on future blessings. Check. Discipline. Set your mind on heavenly things. Got it. I’m encouraged.
Then, like always, that dreaded enemy of mankind, the ancient hobgoblin of time, the wretch we all despise comes treading out from behind the corner, as predictably as ever – Monday. We go back to our struggles, our toil, and our grievances. The problems with the business are still waiting to take me down. We’re two more babies past newborn, and the strife has more than tripled. This optimistic boloney talk is all sizzle no steak. Sure, your mind can agree that blessings abound, that you should enjoy the process, and that focusing on future blessing is good. But there’s a difference between the dogma in your mind, and the convictions in your heart. Life is a struggle. If I knew my audience better, I might have used a different word just now. Smooth amber ale should be kept for heaven. Down here in the dumps, it’s IPA bitters for us. Work is demanding. Relationships are draining. Pleasures are fleeting. Life is hard.
No matter how hard you try to enjoy it, life and work will just never be easy. The face can smile, but the heart can’t lie. I guess being blessed and working hard are two friends that you’d rather not introduce to each other. One’s a party animal. The other – a sob story. They won’t get along. It’ll just make the evening awkward.
–
It’s business as usual. I took many contemplating walks before, trying to escape the dead ends. I somehow scrambled my way through all those times that led me straight to this one. I figured I would crawl my way out again. I climbed down the roof hatch and stumbled back into my office chair. Enough self-pity. Back to the wall. I had to cope with the fact that this kind of thing was normal. Take it one step at a time. You’ll be in heaven sooner than you know.
–
We’ve had a couple more kids. She had mastitis more than a couple more times. We learned to perceive what the shakes and body aches meant. Also, the redness and the pain. The sleepless nights became an expectation. She learned how to handle it better. I learned how to cook my own food for a while – pour the boiling water into the Styrofoam cup of noodles and voila! It was a season. It grows on you.
–
But no, I couldn’t sit on those needles. I had to have an answer. If we have blessings galore, why is our work so hard? Why is it all so difficult, draining, exhausting? I can’t catch a breath. Problem gone. Problem come. If we are blessed, which I know that we are, then why is there so much work to do? There’s so much to overcome. How do I enjoy being blessed and labor through obstacles at the same time?
If you have a slice of bread with peanut butter on it, and another with jelly, what are you supposed to do? Don’t think too hard. You might just miss it.
When all things are said and done, the hard lesson in life is this: put the two slices together. It tastes better that way. (it’s also an upgrade from Soup-In-Styrofoam).
Life is a blessing. Work is a struggle.
And then it clicks. Simply knowing those two propositions to be true is like two dancers trying to waltz while social distancing. Where’s the magic? Everybody might as well “stay home, stay safe.” Hard Work forgoes the social distancing dictate and asks the Blessed Life to dance when the music track is changed from “Propositional Knowledge” to “Joyful Gratitude”.
Gratitude is what opens my eyes to see that life being hard is not in spite of the blessings in it, it’s because of them. First, we’re blessed, and then we work. And since the abundance of work follows the abundance of blessings, thick blessings don’t come with thin work. The thicker the blessing, the thicker the work. Business and babies are both a thick blessing to be thankful for (especially thick babies). It’s only natural that the work will be as well.
Marrying blessing and struggle is not simply about discipline for the future as we hold certain truths in separate hands. Nor is it avoidance of present problems with an optimistic haze. Only when we are grounded in thanksgiving for what we’ve been given can we joyfully roll up our sleeves to work out of the abundance that we have. If we think our blessings are thin, we will expect our work to be as well, and get frustrated that it’s not. It’s when we open our eyes to look on our thick blessings with gratitude, that we will open our hands to fulfill our thick work with joy.
Leave a Reply