A few weeks ago, some of the women of our church had a conversation. They’ve had conversations before, and they had one at that time, also. Because I’m not a woman and I don’t identify as one, I was not involved in that conversation, which makes it all the more tempting to jump in. Like all conversations you’re not included in, throwing your two cents in after it’s over sounds enticing, but it typically backfires. So, I won’t do that.
However, the topic of the conversation was intriguing enough that I thought devoting a few paragraphs to it would be worth the time and effort. But, before I do that, a word of caution would be wise. A beehive you dare not poke at is the one filled with queen bees. Disturbing a hive with just one queen bee is dangerous enough. Poking at a hive with more than one is just stupid. With that said, smart people learn from the mistakes of others, while stupid ones learn only from their own. Since I’ve done things that would place me in the latter category, I thought I might as well grab the stick and start whacking away. Verbalizing one’s thoughts in connection to women is a dangerous endeavor. Some women might not be pleased with my forthcoming analysis. But that’s okay, because I can learn my lesson while also giving all of you smart people a case study to observe. Win-win scenario.
This here article by David Foucachon was the basis for the conversation the ladies had. I have never met Mr. Foucachon personally, but I do esteem and respect the work him and his brother are doing over at Roman Roads Media. Without intending to criticize the point David is making, perhaps I can expand on it a little bit. Referring to himself as a Christian platonist, David says that two men who each think their wife is the most beautiful woman can both be right because of the participation that all women share in God’s idea of Woman. And so, a discussion about women and beauty should be engaging enough to qualify for this blog.
I’m going to assume that my reader and I share a mutual understanding of household authority structures, with the husband as the head of his wife and the wife as the glory of her husband. If you’re reading this and you don’t share that assumption, welcome! This should be fun. What you need to know is the man is in charge.
Just kidding. That’s not what headship is. Don’t sting me. I’m just making sure I have everybody’s attention. The point is that there is hierarchy within a marriage and different roles to play. It’s not a co-leadership model. The husband does make the final decision in his household because he is responsible before God for his family. But that is a position that is lived on trembling knees, not on a comfortable thrown. What makes the husband look good is not his own authoritative role. Rather, it’s his wife’s glorious role that brings glory to him.
The woman is the glory of man. That glory involves her complete being – actions that come from her inner character – including her appearance. If a wife constantly looks and smells like she just got done emptying the septic tank, that has a reflection on her husband, as it should. And if a wife looks like she is well-loved and cared for, that also says something about the husband. The man’s role is to bring glory to his head, as a man. And the woman’s role is to bring glory to hers, as a woman.
When a married woman cedes to her husband’s preferences for her appearance, that is good and proper. But that is a bit different than being the glory of her husband. Choosing between curled hair or straightened hair is an issue of preference. If the wife asks her husband’s opinion, that is A-Okay. All is right in the world. But if the wife is trying to choose between a bedhead that hasn’t been washed for 2 months and washing her hair before going out, that goes a bit deeper than simple preference, even if her husband says, “Eh.”
The woman, as the glory of the man, was made by God as such. Woman was made from man, but not by man. The man did not have a conceptual idea of Woman, with all his preferences in play, out of which he crafted her and called her his glory. No. God did that. God created the woman to be the glory of the man. And so, when we talk about woman as man’s glory, we are appealing not to the man’s standards for her, but to God’s. What does God think? Does God care about a woman’s physical beauty?
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” (1 Peter 3:3-6, ESV)
Well, there you have it. Simple. God says, “I don’t care about a woman’s external beauty. As long as she has a solid character.” On with our lives.
Except, that’s not what it says. Peter is not saying that women should not adorn themselves. He is saying how they should adorn themselves and with what motivation. Women are to adorn themselves with a gentle and quiet spirit in submission to their husbands, the way Sarah did. And Sarah did it in such a way that the Egyptians and the Gerarians saw that the woman was very beautiful.
What Peter is objecting to is women wanting to be their own glory. There is a way for a daughter and wife to dress and appear that is self-seeking – grasping and competing for attention and glory to themselves with all the vanity that comes with. But woman is not her own glory. She is the glory of man. Which means the aim of her adornment is to bring glory to her head. Peter is not juxtaposing external adornment with a selfish, loud attitude on one side and a submissive, quiet spirit with carelessness for externalities on the other. He is teaching women how to adorn themselves.
How would we answer the question, “Does God care what our food tastes like?” I would answer with a resounding, “Yes!” We know that He cares what it tastes like because He made it delicious. Negligence for cooking standards is negligence to God’s design. How would we answer the question, “Does God care what women look like?” With a resounding, “Yes!” We know that He cares what she looks like because He made her beautiful. Negligence to a woman’s physical appearance is negligence to God’s design.
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